I have been bullied MY WHOLE LIFE.

I’ll show you around my life and tell you why.

When I was younger, Elementary School young, I had a fully functional house hold, nothing short of perfect, my siblings were all much older than me so I grew up mostly in an only child setting, just with extra parental figures. In Elementary School I didn’t have too many problems, but I was very, very small. I didn’t really grow like the normal girl, I was an athlete out of the womb, because of my athletic ability I was put in my stereotyped cheerleading mode, I lived, breathed and loved it. Everyone knew me for it. After hopping up the ladder and getting recruited to bigger and better teams, friends got envious of my travelling, my recognition, the fact that everyone knew who my family was, etc. Those were the least of my worries, but those were core years of finding things I loved and I got judged for it. It sucked.

In Middle School, I hit my prime. I was a flawless gymnast, my sister bought me the best clothes a kid could have. I wore Juicy and Coach before most people knew what designers were, not by my choice, but I loved in none the less. This age is where girls either get popular, or they don’t. I was cast as an outsider because I had such a busy schedule, I had tons of boyfriends (I wouldn’t even call them boyfriends, more like phone dates.) My life was pretty good, but I still got bullied by the popular crowd because I wasn’t the cutest kid, or the richest, or the most perfect. I can still tell you every popular kid that bullied me and hated on me because it STICKS in a kids mind. I liked the same boy from 6th to 11th grade. I dug him even when I moved away and he never even gave me a chance because he wouldn’t get to know me. I’ve always had a tough, busy, careless shell and I think that is a big reason, but it still sucks for a kids ego. Also in Middle School I met the teacher from hell, and she bullied me the worst. Have you ever been bullied by a full blown adult? Also sucks, really bad. She accused me of FELONY’S as a 12 year old. I WAS 12. She didn’t like me, but I got through it and I learned a lot about adults because of it.

In my transition from Middle to High, I had older friends because of all my sporting teams, that started a lot of shit. I was hated on by kids my age because I got along with older people better. I had been forced to have a mature demeanor because my siblings were all 10+ years older than me and they didn’t put up with and immature kid. I had Seniors trying to get in my pants, in reality I really didn’t give a shit, but now I look back at it and feel really weird. I entered high school at 4’11 and weighing about 80lbs. WHAT DOES A SENIOR WANT WITH A GIRL THAT LOOKS LIKE SHE’S A HOT 8 YEARS OLD? Whatever. I was a guy magnet, I always have been, guys like me, I’m not sugar coating it. Again, didn’t have many girlfriends besides my cheerleading friends, and those relationships, totally are not healthy. Watch Dance Moms, or Pageant Moms, Cheerleading moms and kids are just the same if not worse because there are teams of 35 girls, not 10, or even just 100 other competitors. You get to know these moms inside and out, you stay at their houses, they are your second parents, your coaches pick favorites, and when your Dad owns the team, usually you’re the favorite. Another thing beyond my control that I couldn’t deal with. Moms hated me, the kids hated me, etc etc etc. You cry a lot, you find out how to deal with it and you move on. One core thing I remember from my Freshman year was the 2 Seniors that lusted over me and creeped me out to no belief, I still am not in contact with them to this day. I also remember a girl telling me she wanted to stab me right in front of a teacher who happened to be her aunt, and her getting away with it. And even worse a full bus of senior boys chanting “lay the pipe” at me because I liked a freshman on the team (same boy I referred to earlier) not too good for an ego, every time I stepped on the court to tumble at games, they would chant at me. Sucked.

My Sophomore year my mother, father and I moved to Florida. I had no one there, not my siblings, no friends, no family. I was alone to make new friends in a school that had more diversity than the United Nations itself. I had met one black kid in my whole life… I know that has nothing to do with it, but it was a big culture shock. I right away got a boyfriend at my new school, senior, football captain, BAGGAGE. Bad idea. I cheered on Varsity which was unheard of for underclassmen in Florida, instant jealousy. I got pushed in lockers, I got spit in my face, I’ve been slapped, I’ve had my hair pulled, but I NEVER EVER didn’t fight back. Back to being culture shocked, this school was full of drugs and alcohol, I had been VERY sheltered and was just now realizing it. I got very drunk, ALMOST got taken advantage of but I realized it and helped myself. I lied a lot due to being scared off my ass. It all came back to bite me in the ass eventually, don’t lie, people will find out the truth eventually. I switched schools the next year.

My junior year flew by without a hitch, friends, cheered, perfect, got my license, enjoyed my life, had no problems besides losing my virginity to someone who ended up being a big mistake, but it happens to a lot of people.

My senior year, shit hit the fan, friends turned on me after a break up. I got my first job and got fired for the first time. I was in physical fights that I won, verbal fights 12 girls against 1, etc etc etc. I watched my favorite teacher get arrested for something he didn’t do and watched his family fall apart. My family started getting awfully rocky with not getting along. I had the typical 2 year relationship, thought we’d be married, whatever. He was in a band, he cheated, he lied, he was a bad person. We got very physical, guitars were thrown, fights, body parts getting broken, I’m a victim just like a lot of you.

Then I found myself and I have people to thank for it. People I’ll remember forever that probably don’t even know how much I love them but, I’m making sure to start telling them what I want to say.

Anyway, my point with all this, you’re going to have bullies FOREVER. I’m still getting bullied. You can be your own boss, you can be your own rock, you don’t need as much help as you think, you just need to find yourself. I had a less than perfect life, I’m a less than perfect person, but I’m working on myself.